One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
