do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
