I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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