I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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