Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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