Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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