this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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