that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
