i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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