I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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