WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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