The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
