How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
