we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
