somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
