sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
White coat. Heels.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would fuck him just for his dog
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
