I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
