I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize