there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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