she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
