a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
