Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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