Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
