that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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