I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
