This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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