Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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