She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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