can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
