So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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