Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize