In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
