hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
