dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
