how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
