Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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