Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
