It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
