So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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