Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
