We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
