i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize