I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
