i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
