He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
