...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
