i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
