i think my tv is drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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