dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize