Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
