You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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