She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
