I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
