I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
