She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
