the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
