Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im holly from the hills drunk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
