At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
