we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
