a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
