Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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