Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
