I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My penis needs a shock collar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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