Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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