actually, I'm a sock model
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
