but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
