You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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