you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
