Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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