Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
