Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
