Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
