We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
