apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
