I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
