You can't special order awesome
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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